I have recounted numerous trials that beset me during that time. Amidst the chaos, I have briefly alluded to the inner conflicts I concealed, those internal struggles I typically kept to myself. While most of that year remains a blur of anxiety, certain memories stand out, demanding attention.
Before I could comprehend its swiftness, the year 1998 drew to a close. The academic environment, characterized by Encik Hussin's unrelenting pressure, remained a constant. However, its weight grew heavier, compounded by the issues I've previously mentioned.
In hindsight, my time in Asrama was marked by negativity, with Form 1 and Form 2 offering only a brief respite from its challenges. My days were filled with a never-ending sense of urgency and anxiety, lacking the substance that creates cherished memories.
The year-end exams followed their usual course, demanding heightened vigilance on my part due to the past struggles. I approached each paper with honesty and sincerity. The upcoming PMR exam cast a daunting shadow, and the pressure was hard to overstate. Nevertheless, I summoned my determination and resolved to give nothing less than my best.
Encik Hussin's guidance, through his concise notes and extra exercises, played a crucial role in improving my study habits. As a result, I excelled in some subjects, but this newfound proficiency brought its own challenge—the overall balance of my academic performance. Still, I found contentment in my level of preparation.
During this time of exam preparation, I noticed a recurring theme in our school—a troubling trend of cheating, particularly during objective question segments of exams.
I must admit that I wasn't entirely immune to receiving covert assistance. Students resorted to secretive methods, not only by sneaking glances at their neighbours’ answers but also by exchanging notes and asking direct questions.
While I understood that helping them cheat wouldn't benefit me in any way, the temptation to appear helpful was hard to resist. So, I occasionally provided answers, but I limited it to no more than five questions. Requests for more than that were firmly rejected.
Once, during an exam, a persistent classmate approached me and boldly asked for answers to all sixty objective questions. I was surprised but couldn't help but find it somewhat amusing. I responded with a gentle, albeit wry, smile, refusing his audacious request with a resolute shake of my head. To my surprise, he understood and didn't seem disappointed.
It wasn't lost on me that unethical conduct had become prevalent in our school. Cheating had insidiously become a part of our academic environment, eluding control. Those who resorted to such methods did so out of deep insecurity about their own abilities, preferring to rely entirely on others. To me, this was a symptom of the immense pressure they were under, imposed by their surroundings.
For students in Asrama, this pressure was even more burdensome. Encik Hussin often threatened expulsion as a severe consequence for failing to meet academic benchmarks. To avoid this dire fate, students were willing to do anything, even engage in self-destructive behaviour.
As the academic year drew to a close, my exam results were considered satisfactory, although I didn't reach the pinnacle of Asrama's academic achievements. There were others who had performed better than me. I had given my best effort, and in that sense, I had triumphed over my academic challenges.
However, some of my friends were still facing uncertainty regarding their results. Encik Hussin had hinted that those who didn't meet the required quota would face consequences.
The pressure on the students was so immense, driving them to extreme measures by altering their report cards to manipulate their grades. Their goal was to achieve the required number of A grades, as mandated by Encik Hussin to avoid punishment. Some even went beyond the minimum requirements, trying to boost their standing in Asrama's academic rankings.
Surprisingly, Encik Hussin seemed unaware of these underhanded actions. However, I inadvertently stumbled upon this scandalous revelation when Encik Hussin assigned me the task of distributing report cards to my peers. I took the opportunity to check the report cards, and to my dismay, I uncovered the audacious deception by certain students.
One report card caught my attention due to the excessive use of correction fluid. Suspicious, I examined it more closely to find a discrepancy between the score written and the original marks that had been tampered with. It was clear that the initial grade didn't deserve an A.
As I continued to inspect other report cards, I discovered that this offense was widespread. I couldn't believe that fellow students could conceive and execute such audacious acts. I pondered the potential consequences of their actions, leaving me deeply unsettled.
Despite my discomfort, I chose not to report the matter to Encik Hussin. Instead, I confided in a small group of close friends. The weight of this knowledge was heavy, and the idea of exposing my peers to the full consequences of their actions was too burdensome for me to bear alone.
It wasn't lost on me that Encik Hussin likely knew about the dishonest conduct among some students. His silence suggested hesitance to escalate the matter further, as the deception involved was rudimentary and unlikely to escape his discerning gaze.
In that moment, I began to understand Encik Hussin's wisdom. Deliberating his options, he seemed to realize that the very strict rules he imposed on students had fuelled these regrettable actions.
The situation took a more serious turn when Encik Hussin assigned classes for the next year. To the disappointment of several students, they found themselves placed in classes they were ill-suited for, depriving more deserving peers of better placements.
The disparity between the qualified and the undeserving remained an unresolved issue, and whether those who benefited from cheating felt satisfaction or remorse was yet to be determined.
Our batch was divided into three classes, with the third class subjected to an intensified academic regimen, supervised by a counsellor contracted by Asrama, who denied them breaks. It was unfortunate that some students were misplaced. Without the deceit of a few, more deserving students would have filled the second and first classes. It was a significant injustice that these students faced penalties due to the wrongdoing of their peers.
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