With the start of the second semester, the impending examinations weighed heavily on me, becoming more and more significant with each passing day. My mind, once free to wander through the realm of emotions and matters of the heart, was now firmly trapped by the relentless pursuit of academic success.
My dreams of forming a connection with a young lady had been overshadowed, and I watched a part of my life fade into the background, overshadowed by the single-minded focus on my studies. As a young novice navigating the complexities of life, I proceeded with caution, wary of venturing into uncharted territories. However, the relentless march of time allowed no respite, and I had to accept its unyielding pace.
Midway through the semester, a trial examination loomed on the horizon – a standardized test conducted simultaneously across schools in the Johor Bahru district. The prospect of measuring my abilities against fellow Asrama students excited me, filling me with anticipation. Despite the monthly assessments and academic rankings that tracked our progress within Asrama, I had doubts about the fairness of our standings, as we came from different schools.
Let me clarify that I do not mean to disparage other schools. However, I held some reservations about my own standing within Asrama. Ever since I first learned about Asrama in Standard 6, I believed that only exceptional students could secure a place in its esteemed halls. My excitement at joining Asrama had surged because I saw my fellow students as paragons of academic excellence.
I looked up to my peers with awe, imagining each of them as a scholarly luminary in their respective fields. This sparked a strong determination within me to rise to their high standards. I felt a competitive spirit awakening in me, albeit a bit belatedly due to my previous lackadaisical approach.
As I embraced this challenge, I couldn't help but wonder about my potential rank in this competition. Would I falter and lose my place to others? Only time would tell, and the journey ahead was long, demanding my unwavering focus to achieve my goals.
In the days leading up to the examination, teachers from both our school and Asrama provided us with valuable guidance and strategies, sometimes pushing the boundaries of ethics in their eagerness to prepare us. Our History teacher at school, for instance, encouraged us to focus on mastering the 60 topics outlined in the curriculum.
It didn't take a genius to figure out the reason behind this peculiar number – 60, not 6, 16, or 600. I responded with nothing more than an awkward smile, refraining from any comments, understanding that we had no say in the matter.
Adding to the irony, our Asrama History teacher put in equally generous efforts to prepare us for the upcoming trial examination. On the eve of the exam, he provided us with a set of PMR-style questions for practice. These questions were detailed, complete with answer choices A, B, C, and D, followed by a collective discussion of the correct answers. It was not allowed to copy the questions verbatim. Unbeknownst to our well-intentioned teacher, these questions were directly related to the very 60 topics our schoolteacher had urged us to master.
It was almost unbelievable that a few of our male Asrama comrades failed to secure an 'A' in History after the upcoming trial examination. I could only shake my head in disbelief.
Finally, the day of reckoning arrived, and my heart was filled with a mix of emotions. I approached each question with utmost care, guarding against any inadvertent mistakes.
I remember vividly the scene of my seated place in the school hall, tucked away in the far-right rear corner, providing an unobstructed view of my fellow students diligently working on their exams.
The conclusion of the trial examination brought a whirlwind of emotions – excitement, anxiety, and eager anticipation for the results that were yet to come. I sensed that my fellow students were experiencing similar feelings. Do you agree?
As I made my way to school, my heart swung between eagerness and apprehension. The desire to see my results clashed with the nagging fear of disappointment.
There was nothing left to do but pray to Allah. The subjects tested – History and Mathematics – did not particularly excite me. In History, I did well, even achieving the highest score in our school, if I remember correctly.
But I must admit that I felt somewhat indifferent because my achievement was not significantly different from that of my peers, who also performed excellently in History.
Mathematics, while not a source of great enthusiasm, was something I approached with a stoic expectation of perfection or, at worst, the loss of a few points. Please understand that I'm not trying to boast. My fellow students, equally confident in their abilities, shared my sentiment.
It was a mere formality, and the Mathematics teacher's evaluation of our answer scripts required minimal effort. The answer key remained largely untouched, with only a few questions needing careful consideration. I still remember Cikgu Kartina, our Mathematics teacher, grading the answer sheets with an air of indifference, as if she were completely at ease in her domain.
In contrast, my heart was filled with anticipation as I awaited the results of the Science examination. As I mentioned before, my fascination for this subject grew over the year, starting not with the early Form 3 topics on human biology but with the first District Quiz Competition that ignited my passion. My love for Science even surpassed my affinity for Mathematics, and I eagerly anticipated the results. My performance in this subject yielded exceptional outcomes, with me losing only a few marks.
Pride welled up inside me, mingled with gratitude for my achievement. Pendidikan Islam, another subject in which I excelled, also resulted in a high score. However, my performance was not as strong in other subjects. Geography and Kemahiran Hidup, while still earning me 'A' grades, had more significant point deductions, exceeding ten marks.
As for the language subjects, I received 'B' grades, losing more than twenty but never fewer than thirty marks in each. In Bahasa Melayu, none of the students in our school achieved an 'A,' and I took personal pride in my accomplishment. English, too, had room for improvement, with no more than thirty marks deducted, although there was still potential for enhancement.
With the overall results announced, I compared my achievements with those of my fellow Asrama comrades. Alhamdulillah, I had performed well, matching the exceptional performance of my peers.
To my surprise, two or three friends had achieved the exact same score as me, while the highest score was achieved by Maro, who had a perfect 8A score in this trial examination. Notably, his strength in Bahasa Melayu underscored his achievement.
But let's not forget the female students. I was elated to learn that one of the young ladies among us had also achieved Maro's 8A feat – a revelation that filled me with admiration and astonishment. Gender did not make a difference in the world of academic achievement, where no one reached the pinnacle of 7A. The next highest honour was reserved for those who scored 6As.
Our school typically recorded trial examination results in the student report book, and rankings were common both within the class and school. However, this year, the emphasis shifted toward class rankings, overshadowing the school-wide rankings.
As I mentioned earlier, our class was a diverse mix, with half the students being Malay and the other half of Chinese descent. Conventional wisdom, tainted by ethnic stereotypes, suggested that Chinese students were superior in academics. However, our class defied these stereotypes. We, the Malay students, proved our mettle by competing head-to-head with our Chinese counterparts.
Surprisingly, the top five rankings included three Malay students, a testament to our academic abilities. The first position was held by a Chinese prodigy, and to my astonishment, second place was within my grasp. Third place, a commendable achievement, was secured by my close friend, Bel.
Class rankings were based on aggregate marks, and my strong performance in Mathematics, History, Science, and Pendidikan Islam placed me in second position. However, it was the ranking within the Asrama community that truly interested me, as it indicated one's standing within this tight-knit community.
But when I checked the Asrama rankings on the notice board, I was disappointed. Despite achieving the same 6A score as my peers, I was disheartened because the arrangement of students with the same scores remained unclear. Was there a method behind this arrangement – was it random, alphabetical, or gender-based?
In life, as in the broader tapestry of life, fairness was often elusive. Despite having a higher aggregate score, I was placed in fifth position, leaving me feeling disheartened. In this realm, as in life, achieving fairness was a challenging ideal to grasp.
The next day brought an unexpected twist – my position was revised to third place, a correction that reflected my true standing. This sudden change filled me with renewed satisfaction, reinforcing my belief that I had the ability to compete with the best.
As the season for MRSM and SBP applications approached, I eagerly filled out the MRSM application, with Asrama helping me obtain the necessary forms. My application, crafted with great care and sincerity, expressed my strong desire to secure a place in this prestigious school.
Recent successes, especially the results of the trial examination, bolstered my confidence, and I fervently prayed to Allah to make my dreams come true. Almost all the students in Asrama submitted their applications, yearning to escape this environment for brighter horizons.
Simultaneously, I submitted an application to SBP, nurturing the dream of attending the school in Bandar Penawar, which was close to my home. The prospect of joining a prestigious school, combined with the convenience of returning home most weekends, filled me with hope.
The status of an SBP or MRSM student promised a transformation from an anonymous Asrama resident to a figure of prestigious distinction. I held steadfast to my dreams, focusing on the qualities I deemed important. Even when certain truths remained hidden from us, I resolved to face life's challenges with unwavering determination.
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