For quite a while, my focus had been solely on chasing success, an intense pursuit that left little room for anything beyond my personal goals. In my relentless pursuit of my own path, I had unintentionally ignored the rich experiences happening around me within the Asrama.
Both my peers and juniors barely registered on my radar, receiving minimal attention and hardly ever occupying my thoughts. It took me a while to realize that this was a significant oversight, a realization that only recently dawned on me. I had failed to fully immerse myself in the vibrant Asrama community, and this was something I needed to rectify.
Determined to shift my perspective and approach to life, I made a commitment to become more connected with those who shared this unique phase of life with me. After all, what harm could it do to lend an ear or offer a helping hand? In doing so, life might become more profound and meaningful.
The opportunity to make this change came when I wasn't yet consumed by the impending exams and other responsibilities. Unlike the pressure-filled Forms 1 and 2, Form 3 brought some respite, allowing me to broaden my perspective.
In the earlier years, I had been struggling with the daily challenges and anxieties of living under the watchful eyes of unfamiliar Asrama wardens. By Form 3, I had also undergone a transformation in terms of academic performance, which had been my sole focus and left little room for building interpersonal connections.
But now, looking back, I realized the folly of my previous mindset. The environment within the Asrama was incredibly fascinating and worthy of my attention.
As I observed the social dynamics, I noticed a significant transformation among the Form 3 students that year. The Asrama now hosted three groups—Form 1, Form 3, and Form 4. Although I didn't have the exact numbers, it seemed either Form 1 or Form 3 had the largest population.
The Form 3 students of that year had undergone a remarkable evolution in their thinking and behaviour. They had shed their earlier immaturity and were now almost indistinguishable from their Form 4 counterparts.
Traditionally, the Asrama had a clear hierarchy, with seniors and juniors, and some of my batchmates had been quite rigid about maintaining this division. However, in this context, the hierarchy seemed less pronounced, possibly because everyone was heading toward the same finish line. The junior designation was somewhat blurred, allowing for more interaction and exploration within the Asrama.
Next up were the Form 1 students, noticeably different from their older counterparts in terms of maturity and thinking. This marked a unique phenomenon in my Asrama experience. The significant age gap between two concurrent groups had never been so evident before. There was a faint memory of this when I had first entered Form 1, but it was more pronounced now.
My attention was drawn to a hierarchical structure where the Form 4 students held dominance within the Asrama. In contrast, the Form 1 students bore the brunt of this dominance. I found it curious how these seniors, who had once been in the same position as juniors, had acquired the ability to assert their dominance.
Within the Asrama, the seniors indeed held sway over the juniors, a result of the principle of seniority. It was an inevitable aspect that no amount of effort could fully eliminate. Despite attempts to prevent such behaviour, it persisted.
I couldn't help but wonder about the resilience of these junior students, as I had no firsthand experience of their challenges. In my Form 1 days, we had been given relatively limited attention by our seniors, who preferred not to interfere in our affairs.
However, the difficulties faced by my Form 1 peers were nothing compared to the trials and tribulations my friends and I had endured under Encik Hussin's strict guidance. Our experiences had been marked by constant fear and trepidation, quite different from the occasional hardships imposed by the senior students.
The hardships imposed by the senior cohort were episodic, not constant. They chose their targets, evading trouble with ease. It was a selective form of antagonism, mostly aimed at the juniors who sought attention, sometimes even inviting their own problems.
Yet, there was a group within the juniors who remained largely unaffected by the senior students' actions. They employed a strategy of inconspicuousness, avoiding undue attention, and this seemed to be the most effective way to navigate Asrama life—a strategy I had once adhered to.
This social dynamic also played out in my dorm, Dorm 7. Personally, I had no grand expectations for this dorm; it was simply a place for rest and sleep. My previous dorm, by contrast, held countless memories and remnants of the past. This new dorm, to me, was rather unremarkable, perhaps due to my short time there or my tendency to forget.
I decided not to dwell on these matters too much. I had grown tired of expecting events to unfold a certain way and then being disappointed when they didn't. This dormitory, I decided, I would accept as it was. If good things happened there, I would appreciate them. If not, I would accept it with equanimity.
Being in the rear dormitory allowed me to interact more with students in adjacent dorms, especially those in Dorm 6 and my own Dorm 7. This led to encounters with a diverse group of people, each with their own quirks and traits.
Initiating these interactions was initially challenging, as my previous reserve held me back. However, I gradually found the courage to engage with them, particularly the junior Form 3 students, and it turned out to be a rewarding experience.
These interactions opened up new perspectives and insights for me, which was a stark contrast to my earlier belief that they wouldn't be beneficial. I grew grateful for my Asrama life as I realized the value of building a network of connections and relationships, understanding that a self-centred life wouldn't be as rich and fulfilling.
Dorm 7 was a microcosm of Form 4, Form 3, and Form 1 students. Among them, only two were from Form 4—Min and myself. Form 3 had three representatives, while Form 1 had two. Observing the dynamics within this dorm, I made a conscious effort to avoid arrogance and maintained a more open attitude.
In many ways, the dorm exuded a sense of tranquillity, with all residents showing respect for one another. Any odd behaviour was typically relocated elsewhere. My main companions were Min and a Form 3 student who attended the morning classes with me. Our nocturnal activities often took place elsewhere.
In the academic realm, I had undergone a shift in mindset, allowing me to befriend non-Malay classmates. My prior prejudices had faded, replaced by respect for all students, which was reciprocated. This change had a positive impact on my relationships with non-Asrama Malay acquaintances, particularly those in the Science class.
My shyness, which had been a significant hurdle, dissipated as I began to form friendships with Malay girls in my class. With the male cohort, especially those from KS or RK classes historically associated with the Asrama, interactions flowed smoothly.
The most significant revelation was my preference for fewer, more meaningful friendships over a multitude of superficial connections. This allowed me to appreciate the bonds I had formed more deeply and helped me see the value in exclusivity. I reveled in the novelty of it all.
All these new relationships marked a departure from my earlier years of isolation, during which I deliberately kept myself away from external influences, convinced that solitary pursuits were the only path to success.
As time went on, I realized that life within the Asrama was far from dull. It was within these walls that I witnessed a multitude of experiences, making the regrets of the past seem futile. The anxieties that once plagued me, stemming from the fear of not finding happiness and fulfilment, were now replaced by a recognition of life's unpredictability and the potential for remarkable experiences.
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